Cute or HR?

At orientation for a conference at which I’m volunteering (reduced registration, doncha know), the leader gave us the obligatory speech about how they have a zero tolerance policy for sexual harassment, and that we should immediately report anything that makes us uncomfortable. A short while later, she’s speaking to my boss who asked what would happen if she broke one of the rules discussed. “Well,” the leader replied, “I’d have to spank you.”

Colleague was talking about how an email of hers had been a part of a FOIA request (Freedom of Information Act, for those not trapped inside the Beltway).

Other colleague replies: “That’s why I make as many cock jokes as possible.”

I was telecommuting and calling the office to let them know I was punching in my time card as they say. My male colleague answered the phone and just as we were getting off said, “So are you off the clock?,” to which I said yes. He replied “So, what are you wearing?”

A guy I work with noticed one day that a woman who usually signed her initials, JW, had started,suddenly, to add periods as in J.W. Asked about it, she denied doing it. It was then noted that the periods were placed suspiciously close to the letter W and that they in fact resembled nipples on the twin loops formed by the letter. This theory was posited to one boss (female), who laughed, and to another (also female), who reported it. “Boob gate” is now under investigation. No one yet has claimed responsibility.

My boss forwarded me an email asking for directions to a hotel. I scrolled down to read the email he had forwarded which was from a client who owns that particular hotel. The email said “I’ll get you a free room, but no space docking in my hotel!”

Um, just Google it.

My co-worker, above me in title, once handed me a manila folder containing two 8×10 head-shots of me. He said he had one on his fridge.

Eons ago, I had a boss who called me a “little slut” as a matter of course. Only because I wasn’t married and therefore not yet qualified to be called a “remorseless whore.”

Both were terms of endearment and she was a top notch boss and mentor.

Man, I miss her.

Rep. Eric Massa (D-NY) says that at a staffer’s wedding, another staffer joked that Massa “should be chasing after the bridesmaid.” Massa says he cleverly retorted “Well, what I really ought to be doing is fracking you.”

• Massa says Democratic leaders want him out

Massa’s calling it a conspiracy to oust him over health care reform.

• Former congressman Massa says Democrats set him up over health care

So was it harmless banter and a political setup? Or harassment followed by grandstanding?

In recounting PETA’s protest of the recent Westminster dog show to my supervisor, I’m explaining how they ran into the middle of the stage in the last minutes of the competition.

Supervisor: “Were they naked?”

In the restroom, taped to the mirror, was a handwritten sign: “It takes just 15 minutes for asparagus to make your pee smell funny. Why not try some today?”

On the shelf under the mirror, behind the sinks, was a plate of steamed asparagus.